Desperate in Lincoln

Dear Aunty Agatha,
I have an 8 year old daughter that is constantly coming home swarming with head lice. I have tried every over the counter remedy and repellent known to man, and she still keeps getting them.  I spend at least two evenings a month combing her hair with a nit comb and applying foul smelling lotions.  Do you know of any repellents that actually work?


- Desperate in Lincoln.


Dear Desperate in Lincoln,
Have you tried having a stern talk with you precious little angel about cavorting behind the bike sheds with dirty little boys? The youth today have a wanton disregard for self-respect and it starts early.  Clearly, she has been rubbing up against filthy little creatures every day.  You need to take action before your little girl grows up to be a filthy lice-ridden prostitute turning tricks in dark alleyways to afford her heroin addiction.  What's the matter with you?  Can't you see the signs?  Oh sure, she's all smiles, cookies and Barbies to you, but have you looked into those eyes lately?  Those eyes have played a leading role in several advanced versions of 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' let me tell you.

I know it must be awful for you to have such a bad apple living in your home, sharing your air and sullying your good name, but you must act fast to make sure your flesh and blood does not end up under the influence of the Devil.  Nobody wants a Devil Child, now do they?  Just think what the other parents on the PTA would think of you.

- Aunty Agatha  x